Sunday, December 2, 2007

This is hard.

This child eats sooooo much. And when she's not eating, she needs my boob to fall asleep. And when I disconnect her I'm lucky if she sleeps for a while without me next to her. My boobs are tired.

I was going to write a nice long blog about the hard time I am having, but she is fussing again because I had the nerve to lay her down without my boob in her mouth. Don't suggest a pacifier, she won't take it.

I have had a couple of nights of sobbing when she was screaming and I didn't know what to do for her. I asked my good friend what age is harder (she has 3 kids under 4 years old) and she said that infants are the EASIEST. Seriously?

John went back to work on Thursday night. That was hard. Friday he actually came home early because I was having so much trouble. Tonight, so far so good.. I nursed her and then gave her ALL the milk I had pumped earlier. Then she started screaming again so I put her back on my breast and she fell asleep. And here I am writing this blog.

I can't bear letting her cry and scream. I just don't have it in me. She's too young in my opinion to "cry it out". She's too young to know she's manipulating people.. she's crying because she needs something.

Thanks for letting me vent. She's grunting and squeaking now so I better put my boob back in her mouth. Hahaha..

I do love her so much. I won't be surprised if she develops a callous on top of her head from all of the kisses I give her. It just tears me up when I can't make it all better for her.

4 comments:

Mama said...

Wish I could be there to help! OH!
Not with the breast feeding - just in general!! Love you and miss you tons!

Jenn Ann said...

This is seriously good birth control! :)

XOXOXO!

ToFishTeacher said...

I feel ya, girl! Dominic and I went through some ups and downs with nursing. I can't say I don't ever have the urge to yelp out in pain anymore, but I can say those moments are rare and the super easy moments are getting more and more frequent. So hang in there! In just a couple of weeks, you will be getting smiles and coos and happy feedback that will make it all worthwhile! --Maggie

Sarah said...

I would agree with your friend that infants are the easiest however I do think with your first child it is the first 3 months because this is so new to you. And breast feeding is tough to get used to but oh so good for babies. Keep up the excellent work mommy.