And so I wait..

I am eleven weeks and five days pregnant.

John and I decided long ago that we wanted to have our children close together in age. We decided that October was going to be the first month we try again. I got the rosy cheeks again and decided to buy a pregnancy test. I took it about 5 days before I was due for my period and it was negative. I took it again the day before my period was due (so I'm impatient!) and it was positive!

The next day I started spotting. Nothing big.. just some super duper really light spotting. Totally normal thing to happen. It has pretty much been going on constantly since then. Isn't one of the perks of pregnancy not having to worry about staining underwear?

I researched and found a midwife out here in California that I wanted to work with, but before I found her I went to my old family doctor about the spotting. He ordered blood tests to make sure hormone levels were rising appropriately, and they were. At my 3rd appointment he was still pretty concerned about the whole spotting thing, so he sent me to get an ultrasound that afternoon. Up on the monitor I saw a tiny little bean shaped baby (who my sister has named Lima) with a quick little heart beat. I became slightly more comfortable about everything.

The thing is, every once in a while the spotting gets a little redder. Also, this past weekend we were in Florida and I got really sick one day. At first I thought it was morning sickness but for 3 hours straight I couldn't even keep down dry toast and water. Anyway, after all that puking my spotting was a little heavier again.

This morning when I woke up, before I actually got out of bed, I had a brief cramp that felt like the beginning of a menstrual cramp. Only one. I dismissed it as ligament pain. I ran a few errands with my mother, came home, and took a nap.

I had the strangest dream during my nap. There was something about a very deep lake, and how at it's deepest point there was a hole that was 5 inches across. Down that hole you could see the center of the earth and lava. I don't know what that had to do with anything, but the next thing I remember is that I was laying on my back and I pushed out a baby. It was grayish brown colored, and it's lungs were outside of it's body. It's lungs were small and a bit shriveled, and they were not moving. I started to get concerned, but then I realized that the baby was still attached to me by our umbilical cord, so I made sure to take nice deep breaths so the baby would get it's oxygen.

When I woke up from my nap and rolled over, I noticed my underwear felt a little wet. I went to the restroom and my undies were bloody.

I called my midwife and told her what was happening. Based on everything I told her, she does not believe I am having a miscarriage at this time. If I get cramps that come at regular intervals and I get actual labor symptoms, then I should be concerned. If I start to bleed heavily then I should go to the hospital.

And so I wait..